Back To Life

I’m so confusing and frustrating. Not only for you, but for me as well. I want to be happy. I wake up from nightmares of losing you and I begin to panic. I panic that one day they’ll become real and I’ll feel hopeless and like I can’t breathe and like an actual part of…

One year.

It’s been a heck of an amazing year, that’s for sure. Its hard to explain. We have highs and lows, like any relationship. The lows are minimal compared to the highs, but it just feels like there’s a lot of middle. There’s a special comfort I feel around you, which I guess is what’s driving…

Tribulation

I am consuming myself in self doubt. I am immersing myself in questioning and worrying. I am falling back into my self destructive tendencies. What's wrong with me? Why can't I just accept things for how they are? Why can't I just be happy with how things are? Why do I continue to overthink everything?…

Walking on a Dream

Life changes very fast sometimes. This is one of those times. In just one month - James and I reunited, rekindled the flame, became official, told each other we loved each other, and last night decided to officially live together. In one month... yeah. I AM VERY EXCITED BUT ALSO SCARED TO DEATH. I feel…

Out of My Mind

October 17th, 2017. Hands down, the best day this year. I love you, and for the first time, you told me you loved me too. I'm finally officially yours, and you're mine. Unexpected is an understatement. Blissful doesn't even begin to explain. Love feels amazing. I love you James, and you love me too. Let's…

New Rules

I'm a fucking pendeja. I have no idea what I'm doing. Here I am, getting back into your life. Knowing there's nothing but pain at the end of this road. Knowing there's nothing but pain along the way. Knowing I'm just going to be disappointed and hurt and upset. I should know better. I should…

Too Good at Goodbyes

If you wanted me in your life, I would be in your life. It's as simple as that. I need to say goodbye. I need to cut you out of my life. It would never and will never workout, because that's what you've chosen. You've chosen not to be with me. You've chosen not to…

You Don’t Do It For Me Anymore

Last night was nice. I needed that. I needed to see that I could see you and not want to be with you. I absolutely adore you. But maybe we're meant to be just friends. Maybe that's all we can be. Maybe that's all we're meant to be. I need to be realistic. I need…

Either Way

Maybe I'm emotional or maybe I'm actually just hurt. Hurt because you've proven to me time and time again that you don't love or want me. Hurt because I've known and have continued to stay in your life. Hurt because I still love you and would give anything to be with you. But enough is…

Beautiful War

I wrote you a letter. I poured out my heart, my feelings, my soul. I'm sure you've read it by now. I was very nervous about sending it. Part of me wanted to keep it. The other part wanted you to know how I feel - how I will always feel. It was vulnerable and…