How long before I can start to feel safe in this happiness?
I wonder when the day will come when I can just enjoy the happiness. I wonder if I’ll ever stop waiting for that moment when the bubble pops and I’m left facing the reality that all good things must come to an end. I wonder if I’ll ever stop waiting for you to realize I’m not the one you want and have to watch you leave, again.
In this moment, I’m so incredibly happy and comfortable and blissful. I’m so content. I’m so hopeful. I’m so full.
I hope this moment never ends. I hope I feel like this forever. I hope my happy bubble never gets popped. I hope I never face a different reality. Regardless of this deep down gut scared feeling I have of losing you and losing this happiness and losing everything good in my life right now, I’m going to embrace this bliss. I’m going to stop letting doubtful thoughts ruin shit, and I’m going to take control of my happiness.
I will not turn into that person I used to be, I love who I am now. I love who I’ve grown into. I refuse to be that evil, possessive, angry, jealous, scared, controlling person. That is not who I truly am. I am happy, loving, joyful, caring, confident, and trusting. I am who I choose to be, and that’s what I’m choosing. This bliss isn’t just because of you, although you play a huge role in it, but it’s because of what I’ve decided I want my life and personality to be like.
I have a lot to thank you for. You’ve given me a comfort I never imagined possible. You’ve given me the confidence that I let myself lose a long time ago. You’ve given me the care I’ve been yearning for and have given others who never reciprocated it back. Thank you, for all of it, for just being you.
I met you in the dark, you lit me up, you made me feel as though I was enough.